Å slite følelsesmessig kan sette varige spor. Når livet blir smertefullt, usikkert eller overveldende, tilpasser sinnet seg ved å utvikle strategier for å takle situasjonen. Over tid kan disse strategiene bli til vaner som former måten du tenker, føler og reagerer på utfordringer på. Selv når omstendighetene blir bedre, forsvinner ikke disse vanene automatisk.
Det er derfor selvsabotasje ofte dukker opp akkurat når ting begynner å føles bedre. En enkelt vanskelig dag kan plutselig føles som et bevis på at ingenting har endret seg. Gamle tanker kommer tilbake, kjente følelser dukker opp igjen, og det kan føles som om all fremgang er gått tapt. I virkeligheten er denne reaksjonen sjelden et reelt tilbakeslag. Oftest er det sinnet som prøver å vende tilbake til det som er kjent.
Kort svar: Selvsabotasje oppstår når det ubevisste sinnet trekker deg tilbake til kjente tanker, følelser og vaner, selv når du begynner å føle deg bedre. Dette skjer vanligvis fordi sinnet forbinder det kjente med trygghet fremfor lykke. Ved å forstå hvordan ubevisste mønstre fungerer og lære å gjenkjenne saboterende tanker tidlig, blir det mulig å reagere annerledes og gå videre uten å føle at du er tilbake ved start.
Livsstilen har betydning for fertiliteten. En studie i BMC Public Health viste at kvinner med 4–5 sunne vaner hadde 59 % lavere risiko for infertilitet.
Fyll ut spørreskjemaet og få et personlig, helhetlig og kunnskapsbasert program tilpasset deg.
tar 3 minutter å fylle utDenne artikkelen forklarer hvordan selvsabotasje fungerer på et ubevisst nivå, hvorfor den oftest dukker opp under positive endringer, og hvordan bevissthet kan hjelpe deg med å bryte mønsteret uten å tvinge deg selv til falsk positivitet.
Selvsabotasje refererer til ubevisste tanker, følelser eller atferd som undergraver fremgang, selv når denne fremgangen faktisk finner sted. Det er sjelden bevisst. I de fleste tilfeller skjer det automatisk, drevet av dypt inngrodde mentale og emosjonelle mønstre.
Selvsabotasje kan se ut som:
Det som gjør selvsabotasje forvirrende, er at den ofte dukker opp akkurat når forbedringen begynner. Dette tidspunktet kan få det til å føles personlig eller nedslående, men det er faktisk forutsigbart når man først forstår sinnets rolle.
Varig emosjonell og tankemessig endring skjer på det ubevisste nivået. Bevisste tiltak som positiv tenkning eller motivasjon kan hjelpe midlertidig, men de skaper sjelden langsiktig endring på egen hånd.
Det ubevisste sinnet har én hovedprioritet: sikkerhet. Dets oppgave er å holde kroppen i live, beskytte mot fare og opprettholde indre stabilitet. For å gjøre dette er det svært avhengig av det kjente. Det kjente føles tryggere enn det ukjente, selv om den kjente opplevelsen er ubehagelig.
Dette er grunnen til at forandring kan føles truende. Når du begynner å tenke annerledes eller føle deg bedre, kan det ubevisste tolke denne endringen som risikabel, rett og slett fordi den er ukjent.
Et av de mest forvirrende aspektene ved selvsabotasje er at den ofte oppstår etter en følelsesmessig bedring. Du kan legge merke til at etter en periode der du har følt deg roligere, mer håpefull eller mer i kontroll, oppstår det et plutselig følelsesmessig sammenbrudd.
Dette skjer fordi sinnet tilpasser seg en ny indre tilstand. Hvis sinnet i lang tid har fungert i en tilstand av stress, frykt eller tristhet, blir disse tilstandene kjente. Å føle seg bedre kan føles ukjent og derfor utrygt.
Som reaksjon på dette kan det ubevisste sinnet prøve å trekke deg tilbake til din gamle emosjonelle utgangspunktstilstand. Det gjør dette ikke for å skade deg, men for å gjenopprette det det oppfatter som trygghet gjennom det kjente.
Innholdet er kun til opplysningsformål. Det er gjennomgått for vitenskapelig nøyaktighet, men utgjør ikke medisinsk rådgivning, diagnose eller behandling. Rådfør deg alltid med kvalifisert helsepersonell ved medisinske spørsmål eller beslutninger om fertilitetsbehandling.
Gjennomgått for vitenskapelig nøyaktighet av: Dr. Mona Bungum
Sist gjennomgått: januar 2026
Livsstilen har betydning for fertiliteten. En studie i BMC Public Health viste at kvinner med 4–5 sunne vaner hadde 59 % lavere risiko for infertilitet.
Fyll ut spørreskjemaet og få et personlig, helhetlig og kunnskapsbasert program tilpasset deg.
tar 3 minutter å fylle utEn komfortsone defineres ikke av lykke. Den defineres av det som er kjent. Følelsesmessige komfortsoner bygges opp gjennom repetisjon, ikke gjennom velvære.
For eksempel kan noen føle seg følelsesmessig «komfortabel» i:
Selv om disse tilstandene føles ubehagelige, er de forutsigbare. Forutsigbarhet tolkes av det ubevisste sinnet som trygghet.
Når du begynner å bevege deg utenfor denne emosjonelle komfortsonen, selv i en positiv retning, kan sinnet reagere kraftig i et forsøk på å føre deg tilbake til det som føles kjent.
Tanker og følelser forsterker hverandre. Når et bestemt tankemønster gjentas ofte nok, blir det en vane. Over tid danner disse vanene sterke nevrale baner i hjernen.
Tenk deg en liten sti som dannes i gresset. Jo mer man går på den, jo tydeligere og lettere blir den å følge. Til slutt blir den til en godt tråkket rute. I hjernen kan negative tankemønstre bli den veien som gir minst motstand.
Eksempler på dette er:
Disse tankene kan føles automatiske fordi hjernen har lært dem gjennom gjentakelse.
Forandring krever energi. Å skape nye tankemønstre innebærer å bygge nye nevrale baner, noe som tar tid og krever utholdenhet. I de tidlige stadiene er disse nye banene skjøre sammenlignet med de gamle.
Det ubevisste sinnet kan motstå denne innsatsen ved å:
Denne motstanden betyr ikke at endringen mislykkes. Det betyr at endringen skjer.
Selvsabotasje kan vise seg på subtile måter. Det ser kanskje ikke dramatisk eller åpenbart ut. Ofte fremstår det som en indre dialog snarere enn ytre atferd.
Vanlige tegn er blant annet:
Når disse mønstrene er ubevisste, føles de overbevisende. Bevissthet er det som gjør at du kan skille en dårlig dag fra faktisk tilbakeslag.
En dårlig dag sletter ikke fremgangen. Men når sinnet setter følelsesmessig ubehag lik med fiasko, kan et enkelt vanskelig øyeblikk føles overveldende.
Dette skjer fordi gamle nevrale baner aktiveres raskt. Når en kjent følelsesmessig tilstand vender tilbake, kan sinnet konkludere med at ingenting har endret seg, selv når endringen allerede har funnet sted.
Fremgang måles ikke ved fraværet av vanskelige dager. Den måles ved hvor raskt du kommer deg igjen og hvordan du reagerer når utfordringer dukker opp.
Gjenkjenning er vendepunktet. Når du først forstår hvordan selvsabotasje fungerer, blir det lettere å observere den uten å la deg oppsluke av den.
I stedet for å spørre «Hvorfor er jeg tilbake her?», kan du spørre:
Disse spørsmålene skaper avstand mellom deg og tankemønsteret.
Endring skjer ikke over natten. Følelsesmessig trygghet utvides sakte etter hvert som nye opplevelser blir kjent.
Hver gang du tillater deg selv å føle deg bedre uten å få panikk, utvider du komfortsonen din. Hver gang du legger merke til saboterende tanker uten å handle på dem, svekker du gamle nevrale baner.
Over tid blir den nye måten å tenke på den nye normalen.
Målet er ikke å eliminere negative tanker fullstendig. Målet er å reagere annerledes når de dukker opp.
Nyttige måter å reagere på er blant annet:
Mildhet er nøkkelen. Selvsabotasje trives på selvkritikk. Bevissthet og medfølelse svekker den.
Å tvinge frem positivitet kan slå tilbake. Når følelser undertrykkes, kommer de ofte tilbake sterkere. Ekte forandring kommer av forståelse, ikke fornektelse.
Å tillate deg selv å erkjenne vanskelige følelser, samtidig som du innser at de ikke definerer fremgangen din, skaper emosjonell motstandskraft.
Ekte emosjonell stabilitet kommer av fleksibilitet, ikke konstant lykke.
Nye vaner dannes gjennom repetisjon. Hver gang du velger en støttende reaksjon fremfor en automatisk, forsterker du en ny tankebane.
Denne prosessen innebærer:
Konsistens er viktigere enn perfeksjon.
Når du først forstår at selv-sabotasje er en beskyttende reaksjon, mister den mye av sin makt. Du slutter å ta hver eneste tanke personlig og begynner i stedet å se mønstre.
Bevissthet forvandler forvirring til klarhet. Den lar deg gjenkjenne fremgang selv når følelsene svinger.
Selvsabotasje er ikke et tegn på svakhet eller fiasko. Det er en naturlig reaksjon fra det ubevisste sinnet når endring begynner å skje. Kjent ubehag kan føles tryggere enn ukjent letthet, selv når det er letthet du ønsker.
Ved å forstå hvordan sinnet fungerer, gjenkjenne saboterende mønstre tidlig og reagere med bevissthet fremfor fordømmelse, blir det mulig å gå videre uten å føle seg fanget av gamle vaner.
Fremgang betyr ikke at man aldri skal slite igjen. Det betyr å vite hvordan man kan finne tilbake til seg selv raskere når utfordringer oppstår.
00:00:00 Fertility struggles are a crushing blow to the joy, love, happiness and excitement that we thought trying to have a baby would be about, and can replace it with the most unimaginable feelings and experiences that we didn't even know I think we were capable of going through. So when you start to feel better mentally and emotionally on the fertility
00:00:21 journey, naturally you don't ever want to feel those painful feelings again. And in my experience as a fertility coach I started to notice a trend with my And in my experience as a fertility coach I started to notice a trend with my clients. We started to get them feeling really amazing again and quite quickly. And then they would have a bad day and feel like they were back at square one all over
00:00:41 again because they were experiencing some of the prior thoughts and feelings. Hi there, I'm Bella Hilton from Studio Fertility, I'm a certified advanced life coach, master and LP practitioner and hypnofotilitist and host of the Much Love Studio F ertility podcast. I work with women all over the world doing this work, helping them with the mental and mental and
00:01:00 emotional journey of fertility so they can feel in control again and I do this because I went through a 10 year long journey myself. And today I want to talk to you about how your mind can sabotage you as you establish more helpful mental and emotional strategies. Like I said, I noticed my clients would have these crash days, these crash moments.
00:01:21 Until they talk to me again and I showed them how they were not in fact back at square one and how quickly they could get themselves back to feeling good again because we all have bad days. That's part of being human. But we don't all understand how our minds work that can allow us to separate out bad
00:01:38 days and sabotage so that we don't go back to square one. When you're educated about how your mind and body work and you have the tools to help yourself, then you have real choice to help yourself. But when you don't understand or have those tools, then you can sink further down and not know why or how to do anything about it. So today I'm going to help you to understand how your mind can sabotage you as
00:01:56 So today I'm going to help you to understand how your mind can sabotage you as you're starting to feel better. And I'm going to give you real examples to follow. So let's understand a few things because we need to understand your unconscious mind. Any real change in our mindset and emotions happens at the unconscious level. Otherwise we're trying to force ourselves to think and feel more positively and
00:02:21 that doesn't last. That can lead to toxic positivity because we're actually just pushing down our feelings. That's like seeing a motivational speaker and feeling that motivation for a bit That's like seeing a motivational speaker and feeling that motivation for a bit , but then it goes because it's not self-motivated, self-sustained.
00:02:37 And not enough of a change has happened to take hold. Have you experienced that? Like every year I would watch the Australian Open as a kid and get all excited about playing tennis again and I'd drag my friends a couple of times with me, probably against their will to play tennis. But then the Australian Open would stop and I'd stop being in the world of
00:02:56 But then the Australian Open would stop and I'd stop being in the world of tennis and I'd lose my motivation to play going back to my status quo of not playing tennis. So when we're forcing ourselves to be positive and burying our real emotions instead of dealing with our real emotions to get to the positive feeling again, the crash will inevitably happen
00:03:18 because you haven't created any real change. So we don't want to force ourselves to be positive if we want to actually feel the change. However, if you've legitimately been feeling the changes or are currently However, if you've legitimately been feeling the changes or are currently making changes and you're feeling more positive and then you crash and feel like you're back at square
00:03:36 one, let me show you what is happening so you know that indeed you are in a better place than you think and how to stop the sabotage once and for all. So firstly, we kind of need to understand the purpose of the unconscious mind. Now there are a few functions but according to NLP, one of the major directives of the unconscious mind where the lasting change actually happens is to keep us alive, unconscious mind where the lasting change actually happens is to keep us alive,
00:04:00 to protect us, to keep us safe, to keep our heart beating and our spleen, you know, spleen ing and to keep us in our comfort zone because that represents safety, right? It wants to keep you safe, keep you alive and we can act quite instinctively with our unconscious mind. Like when there's a fire in your house, you don't stop to consciously and
00:04:23 logically think about what to do, you instinctively act and remove yourself from the danger to keep yourself safe. keep yourself safe. Now our unconscious mind seems to think that it's better the devil we know because the unconscious mind can perceive any change to be danger because at that stage we think there
00:04:44 is more pain in changing than there is in staying the same. We can actually change quite quickly and we think there is less pain in changing than staying the same. This is our unconscious mind's comfort zone where we perceive more danger or This is our unconscious mind's comfort zone where we perceive more danger or pain in changing
00:05:02 than staying the same. And we have all developed strategies that keep us in our comfort zone to deal with different situations in life. Our comfort zone can be a positive thing like you go for a walk every morning because it makes you feel good and looking after the health of your body and you can't imagine
00:05:19 not going for a walk or negative. You look in the mirror and beat up on yourself every day about how much you weigh or how fat you look because it's become your strategy to make sure you keep your fat you look because it's become your strategy to make sure you keep your weight down and you don't know how to stay thin without hating your body. Now we don't do this consciously or as consciously as we think.
00:05:40 So for fertility in this instance we're usually going from feeling miserable and not conceiving and not being able to interact in the world fully to feeling more positive about ourselves and our lives and our chances. And when we're shifting we need to be aware of two things, our thoughts and our emotions because we tend to get addicted to how we usually think and our bodies tend to
00:05:59 because we tend to get addicted to how we usually think and our bodies tend to get addicted to how we usually feel which perpetuates and influences our habits, our actions , our decisions, our thoughts so much this becomes our comfort zone. So essentially we're trying to break unconscious strategies and almost add ictions. When we habitually think one way about a topic, this is never going to happen,
00:06:25 When we habitually think one way about a topic, this is never going to happen, my body is letting me down, I'm being punished for something, then we start to make these neural pathways in our brain like a little pathway, think of it in our brain. And if we go on for long enough we kind of create this superhighway in our brain that becomes the pathway of least resistance.
00:06:48 So then it actually becomes difficult to be positive because the path of least resistance in our brain is negative thoughts and negative strategies and that's where we feel comfortable. feel comfortable. Now why would we do this? For some it might be if I don't feel anxious, I won't feel motivated enough to solve the
00:07:08 problem, I won't be vigilant enough and I'll miss that one thing that will turn all of this around and I'll miss out on my deepest desires of motherhood. Does that resonate with you at all? So when we start off on that path of feeling better and changing things around we might do well for a while and we can start to think better thoughts and feel better feelings and
00:07:29 we start to build new neural pathways, a positive set. we start to build new neural pathways, a positive set. But of course it does take time to build these new habits and strategies. And it seems crazy to think that our unconscious could sabotage us from that but if you aren't used to thinking those positive thoughts or feeling happy then it tends to think it's unsafe and outside our comfort zone.
00:07:51 It doesn't fit in with your current strategy for how to achieve success. You will try to bring you back to what it's used to. You will try to bring you back to what it's used to. Your mind and body will try and bring you back to what it's used to try and fire up your negative superhighway again. What is happening at the unconscious level is your body and mind are saying oh this is
00:08:12 too different. This doesn't feel safe because I don't know this. This isn't my strategy to solve this issue. For example I can't love my body and stay thin. If I love my body there will be nothing stopping me and I'll eat all that chocolate cake for sure. Hating my body is how I won't eat that chocolate cake, how I won't eat those
00:08:29 Hating my body is how I won't eat that chocolate cake, how I won't eat those extra calories. Or I can't not test six days out from my period. I don't know how to do this not being anxious because I have to know immediately if I am pregnant so if I am pregnant I can relax but actually even if it is positive I probably won't relax because I'll be anxious about a miscarriage and if it is negative I
00:08:56 'll be a mess every day for six days and probably start testing more often to stay a mess every day for six days and probably start testing more often to stay anxious. Or something will go wrong and I need to prepare myself for it. What we're really saying is this feels too uncertain for me and it's currently outside my comfort zone.
00:09:13 But also when you're living a lot of uncertainty because of your fertility challenges the unconscious mind wants to minimize being out of your comfort zone. Because you're already sacrificing so much so it keeps you miserable to feel more comfortable. So the unconscious mind may start to feel better freaks out and it literally So the unconscious mind may start to feel better freaks out and it literally starts to
00:09:33 try to throw things at you to come back to your normal and normal could be depressed. Normal could be miserable. Normal could mean going down a rabbit hole on Google or testing six days of every month and driving yourself crazy. Those daily habits are part of your strategy to achieve success and your brain says no
00:09:53 this activity is keeping me safe. Not consciously but unconsciously. And we're also getting a little bit of an addicted hit from it and we'll try And we're also getting a little bit of an addicted hit from it and we'll try and drag you back by helping you to remember a thought or a feeling that it might usually feel around this issue.
00:10:09 It will try and distract you back to what you usually do. So for example let's look at sabotaging how this works. I have a friend who comes to me every couple of months in a state of depression and not feeling like her life is enough and or like she is enough. At each time I ask her what's happening in her life and business and she's usually in a better position than she was before her business growing and things like that
00:10:27 a better position than she was before her business growing and things like that . But she craves that feeling of just being able to relax to let go and surrender her to her business process more. After all she's doing really well. Her usual feeling in life is to put a lot of pressure on herself. So in the second her body and mind start to feel like she's getting somewhere
00:10:50 doesn't need to work as hard she might be able to relax a bit more into her business and life. Instead her brain and body start to freak out and say I don't know this feeling Instead her brain and body start to freak out and say I don't know this feeling . I don't know these thoughts. I've only ever created success by beating up on myself and feeling anxious.
00:11:08 So she starts to try and create problems where there are not dissect things and fix things or maybe goes out and gets drunk. She creates new problems for herself to keep herself stuck in that mindset and those emotions because it is what her mind and body know and what her mind and body think creates success. Similarly when people start to feel better on the fertility journey their
00:11:28 Similarly when people start to feel better on the fertility journey their unconscious can start to not trust it and think that if you feel better and don't do all the habits associated with anxiousness around your fertility then you may miss something instead of realizing that in fact you'll probably make better decisions and notice things more. And so it will start to try and drag you back to those habits and actions that
00:11:53 were keeping you anxious. But when you become aware of this sabotage it's easy to see it for what it is. But when you become aware of this sabotage it's easy to see it for what it is. Just our mind and bodies weigh of trying to keep us safe because we've stepped outside of our comfort zone. But the beautiful thing is this as we continue to build the better strategies
00:12:12 and the better habits and build an environment around us that actually supports us the more you keep going the more you will expand your comfort zone, build that positive neural pathway and feel a real shift within. So when you do have a bad day it's just that, a bad day and you can recognize So when you do have a bad day it's just that, a bad day and you can recognize
00:12:30 it, recognize the sabotaging thoughts, be gentle with yourself and you will bounce back so fast because it isn't about never feeling down or challenged or angry or even triggered again. It's about how long you stay stuck in those feelings. So today I want you to answer three questions. Where do you find your unconscious mind might be dragging you back to its comfort zone?
00:12:55 What are those common thoughts you keep having? Where is your body dragging you back to known feelings that might be associated Where is your body dragging you back to known feelings that might be associated with those thoughts and what can you do instead or remind yourself of to get yourself back on track and set yourself up to win? [BLANK_AUDIO]
