Sexual Problems & Low Desire: Steps Toward Better Intimacy

Sexual Problems & Low Desire: Steps Toward Better Intimacy

Video Transcript

00:00:00 Welcome to this video. Now I'm going to talk about how we can solve sexual problems. So first of all I have to say that your body image is really important to talk about. Because your "me" sits inside of your brain. Not how you look, but what you feel about how you look when you look at your self in your mirror. So our image of our self is colored by our culture and the whole sexuality So our image of our self is colored by our culture and the whole sexuality

00:00:37 history you have. From behind, and your body remembers everything. So we are human beings and we're not born with shame. But shame is really big. Shame can prevent people from being free in their sexuality. Shame can also freeze the body. And that is also sometimes the issue with the Shame can also freeze the body. And that is also sometimes the issue with the genitals. You have body pain because of the shame.

00:01:11 So that's why sometimes talking in therapy can remove shame and sometimes also the pain. So all of this affects your body image and your self esteem. Which in turn affects also your sexual competence in your sex life. Which in turn affects also your sexual competence in your sex life. So that's why this is really important to talk about. So knowing how your shame affects you and have conversation about this and how the pleasure is for you

00:01:49 will release you from this shame. So if you have shame because it is difficult to have children, that may also So if you have shame because it is difficult to have children, that may also affect you. So how to work with shame is to talk it out because the shame loves to hide. So if you don't talk about it, it will be worse. So if you want to know more about this, talk to a therapist who knows to work about this shame.

00:02:25 So we have to talk about something else which is really fun. Do you masturbate? That is always something I ask my clients about. Because masturbation is so important to maintain because if you can't enjoy yourself, how can you let others enjoy you. You also have to learn what you like. This is a journey of discovery. You have to go on alone before you start with your partner. But you can do it today. You can do it tomorrow.

00:02:59 You can do it whatever you want. Explore yourself. Practice and put it into You can do it whatever you want. Explore yourself. Practice and put it into words what you like. So you know what you like. The brain must remember pleasure. And you also need to learn to be happy about your genitals. So masturbation is really, really important for everybody. So when we begin to understand how we function sexually and when we're curious, So when we begin to understand how we function sexually and when we're curious,

00:03:36 we can break free and have desire. It's not so strange with today's porn and social media that everything is perfect. So the body is healthy and beautiful but your body is organized differently than somebody else. So we all have different bodies. We all have different view and we all have So we all have different bodies. We all have different view and we all have different genitals.

00:04:05 And that's normal. The body is beautiful just the way it is. But I don't want to say anything negative about porn. That is not why I'm talking about porn here. I just want to say that porn is the way of learning having sex. It's the wrong way of learning because it's not real. The porn makes us think that that is the way we're going to have sex. The porn also teaches that we're going to have spontaneous desire which is just The porn also teaches that we're going to have spontaneous desire which is just

00:04:34 the half of us in this world. So that's why I want you now to write down what do you think when you hear porn ? What is the first thing you remember or think about to write it down? And do you think it affects your sex life? Anyway, how? So write down the answer to these two questions. So write down the answer to these two questions. So how to work with sexual desire? It's really easy.

00:05:14 And this is what you can get. Unconscious couple which you are now I guess. It's really normal to have shame and guilt. It's really normal to have trauma. It's really normal to have this function in the relationship. It's really normal to have this function in the relationship. It's also normal to feel lonely and have a high level of complaint. Not feeling loved, not feeling wanted. And if you have all this and get kids, this will pass on and can make their children unhappy.

00:05:51 This is not about everybody. I'm just talking about this is really normal for couples who are in our really difficult time of life couples who are in our really difficult time of life or maybe it's a lot of stress or you're trying to have kids. When you are unconscious, this is really normal. So if you get conscious, this can happen in the future. You can have self development. You can feel love. You can be healthier, fewer breakups, stronger sexual and mental health.

00:06:21 You can be healthier, fewer breakups, stronger sexual and mental health. Redefying your love life and safe and happy children. [BLANK_AUDIO]

Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to this video. Now I'm going to talk about how we can solve sexual problems. So first of all I have to say that your body image is really important to talk about. Because your "me" sits inside of your brain. Not how you look, but what you feel about how you look when you look at your self in your mirror. So our image of our self is colored by our culture and the whole sexuality So our image of our self is colored by our culture and the whole sexuality [00:00:37] history you have. From behind, and your body remembers everything. So we are human beings and we're not born with shame. But shame is really big. Shame can prevent people from being free in their sexuality. Shame can also freeze the body. And that is also sometimes the issue with the Shame can also freeze the body. And that is also sometimes the issue with the genitals. You have body pain because of the shame. [00:01:11] So that's why sometimes talking in therapy can remove shame and sometimes also the pain. So all of this affects your body image and your self esteem. Which in turn affects also your sexual competence in your sex life. Which in turn affects also your sexual competence in your sex life. So that's why this is really important to talk about. So knowing how your shame affects you and have conversation about this and how the pleasure is for you [00:01:49] will release you from this shame. So if you have shame because it is difficult to have children, that may also So if you have shame because it is difficult to have children, that may also affect you. So how to work with shame is to talk it out because the shame loves to hide. So if you don't talk about it, it will be worse. So if you want to know more about this, talk to a therapist who knows to work about this shame. [00:02:25] So we have to talk about something else which is really fun. Do you masturbate? That is always something I ask my clients about. Because masturbation is so important to maintain because if you can't enjoy yourself, how can you let others enjoy you. You also have to learn what you like. This is a journey of discovery. You have to go on alone before you start with your partner. But you can do it today. You can do it tomorrow. [00:02:59] You can do it whatever you want. Explore yourself. Practice and put it into You can do it whatever you want. Explore yourself. Practice and put it into words what you like. So you know what you like. The brain must remember pleasure. And you also need to learn to be happy about your genitals. So masturbation is really, really important for everybody. So when we begin to understand how we function sexually and when we're curious, So when we begin to understand how we function sexually and when we're curious, [00:03:36] we can break free and have desire. It's not so strange with today's porn and social media that everything is perfect. So the body is healthy and beautiful but your body is organized differently than somebody else. So we all have different bodies. We all have different view and we all have So we all have different bodies. We all have different view and we all have different genitals. [00:04:05] And that's normal. The body is beautiful just the way it is. But I don't want to say anything negative about porn. That is not why I'm talking about porn here. I just want to say that porn is the way of learning having sex. It's the wrong way of learning because it's not real. The porn makes us think that that is the way we're going to have sex. The porn also teaches that we're going to have spontaneous desire which is just The porn also teaches that we're going to have spontaneous desire which is just [00:04:34] the half of us in this world. So that's why I want you now to write down what do you think when you hear porn ? What is the first thing you remember or think about to write it down? And do you think it affects your sex life? Anyway, how? So write down the answer to these two questions. So write down the answer to these two questions. So how to work with sexual desire? It's really easy. [00:05:14] And this is what you can get. Unconscious couple which you are now I guess. It's really normal to have shame and guilt. It's really normal to have trauma. It's really normal to have this function in the relationship. It's really normal to have this function in the relationship. It's also normal to feel lonely and have a high level of complaint. Not feeling loved, not feeling wanted. And if you have all this and get kids, this will pass on and can make their children unhappy. [00:05:51] This is not about everybody. I'm just talking about this is really normal for couples who are in our really difficult time of life couples who are in our really difficult time of life or maybe it's a lot of stress or you're trying to have kids. When you are unconscious, this is really normal. So if you get conscious, this can happen in the future. You can have self development. You can feel love. You can be healthier, fewer breakups, stronger sexual and mental health. [00:06:21] You can be healthier, fewer breakups, stronger sexual and mental health. Redefying your love life and safe and happy children. [BLANK_AUDIO]