This content is for educational purposes only. It has been reviewed for scientific accuracy, but it does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding medical questions or fertility treatment decisions.
Reviewed for scientific accuracy by: Dr. Mona Bungum
Last reviewed: February 2026
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takes 3 minutes to complete00:00:00 Fertility struggles are something that can take over your entire life, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, to where we never feel like we get a break from it. So today I want to give you some really important strategies for starting to feel a bit more free on your journey, not feeling so consumed by your fertility every single day, every single minute. I'm Bella Hilton from Studio Fertility and have the privilege to work with women every day through the mental and emotional journey of fertility so they can feel in control, heal from trauma and to improve their emotional journey of fertility so they can feel in control, heal from trauma and to improve their fertility outcomes and success. And I do this because I have first-hand experience of the
00:00:40 fertility journey. I went through 10 long years of infertility, IVF and four miscarriages to get my beautiful baby boy, but I also have the tools and the training to be able to help women to change their experience. I'm a certified advanced life coach, master NLP practitioner, and hypno-fertilitist and host of the much-loved Studio Fertility podcast. And I've worked with and hypno-fertilitist and host of the much-loved Studio Fertility podcast. And I've worked with women all over the world doing this work. Now, my story isn't like anybody else's, just like yours is unique to you, but all of us with that common thread, very rough fertility experiences. So today we want to find ways to stop obsessing about becoming
00:01:21 pregnant without giving up entirely and improve your day-to-day experience so that you can actually about fertility all the time and find some calm and some peace. Now, I think that a lot goes into about fertility all the time and find some calm and some peace. Now, I think that a lot goes into feeling more grounded, like healing your heart from what you've been through to date on your journey, building back self-worth and self-esteem and so much more. But today I want to give you two quick wins that can make a big difference. So step number one today to not feeling so consumed is to understand a little of how our brain works and why we become so. And that is our focus. So the first thing I needed to do on my journey to change my experience
00:01:58 And that is our focus. So the first thing I needed to do on my journey to change my experience was to change my focus. And here is why. Where your focus goes, your energy flows. Simply, wherever we're putting our attention is the only way we can experience our world or experience that moment. We tend to get so laser focused on fertility without any balance and that drives so we can't experience our world in any other way. We view everything kind of through a fertility so we can't experience our world in any other way. We view everything kind of through a fertility lens. We're trying to find joy and we can't find it anymore. And the things we do on a daily basis, the way we think, the way we feel about ourselves and our lives, the way we feel about our fertility,
00:02:47 the miscarriage we're still paying from, the Google searches, the peeing on sticks, etc. These are the things we do daily that reinforce that focus. It's like the 24-7, infertility news channel which is constantly on in our brains. With doctors telling you poor infertility news channel which is constantly on in our brains. With doctors telling you poor percentages and Google searches returning grim outcomes and a whole bunch of other things telling you that it'll never happen. How can you feel good and find hope with that in that environment? It's like putting yourself in a bubble and literally you can't, joy can't get in. So in order to start to find our joy or calm or peace,
00:03:28 we need to change our day-to-day. We need to give our brains that balance. We need to look at what we need to change our day-to-day. We need to give our brains that balance. We need to look at what is taking our focus and how we can change it. Now in a moment I'm going to ask you to look around your room for three seconds and notice all the blue things. Okay, three, two, one and go. Look around your room, two, one and stop and focus back on me. Now tell me without looking one red thing in the room. It's likely you can't do it. Why? Because I told you to focus on blue and you told your brain to focus only on blue. This is how our Because I told you to focus on blue and you told your brain to focus only on blue. This is how our
00:04:05 brains are looking for joy right now. We're noticing all the blue things being our fertility journey and wondering why we aren't able to conjure up a red thing. Peace, happiness, joy, laughter. So let's ask a different question to get us started. This is step number two. What is keeping me so focused on my fertility that is not actually my brain? What is keeping me so focused on my fertility that is not actually my brain? What is keeping me so focused on my fertility that is not actually my brain? What is keeping me so focused on my fertility that is not actually my brain? What is helping me and causing me a lot of anxiety, anguish and overwhelming feelings? Now I can helping me and causing me a lot of anxiety, anguish and overwhelming feelings? Now I can
00:04:36 hear it. Those of you are thinking, but Bella, I have to focus on my fertility if I want to get pregnant. And you absolutely do. But this is about finding balance. And we aren't always our own best friends when we're going through fertility. And often our environments are not set up to help us win because we've never been taught how to do this. And focusing all your attention on your fertility will ensure that other parts of your life atrophy, fall apart. For example, if the only fertility will ensure that other parts of your life atrophy, fall apart. For example, if the only thing you talk about in your relationship with your significant other is about your fertility, or it's a major portion, your relationship will suffer because that is all your relationship
00:05:17 becomes about the negatives that you're going through. If you constantly tinge every meal with thoughts of, are you eating the right foods? Then you'll develop a problem. And if you're in a bad relationship to food and panic every time you eat, if you can't talk about anything in a bad relationship to food and panic every time you eat, if you can't talk about anything other than fertility, so you have nothing to discuss with friends because your whole world is about your fertility, then your friendships will diminish. If you can't do anything without first running it through a fertility lens, then that will be the only way you can experience your world or any moment. And if that isn't going well, you're going to feel pretty awful and feel like
00:05:55 no one understands you and like your life is falling apart because it's not going to work. It pretty much is. So how do we expand our focus just a little bit to help us find some balance? It pretty much is. So how do we expand our focus just a little bit to help us find some balance? Well, one of the things you can do with some ease is to let go of the busy work. And what I call busy work is the tangible things that we latch onto and that we've fallen into the habit of doing, but actually keep us stuck entirely in our fertility and actually cause us more anxiety. The things that have become bad habits, and this will be different for everyone because what
00:06:28 The things that have become bad habits, and this will be different for everyone because what empowers one person may not empower another. So listen to my stories with that in mind when you're looking for the things for yourself that create the busy work. I used to obsessively track my basal body temperature, BBT, beat up on myself if I hadn't had the right amount of sleep and then spend more and more time each day staring at these charts to try and analyze them and see patterns. I wanted them to leap off the page these charts to try and analyze them and see patterns. I wanted them to leap off the page and speak to me and tell me what was wrong, only they wouldn't do it. Not only that, I had no one
00:07:09 working with me to tell me what they mean or how I could improve anything. I saw the dip for my ovulation, I saw the rise for my progesterone, but that was about it. This daily habit did not empower me. It showed me that I ovulated, but other than that, it kept me stuck. Similarly, I used to also Google things a lot and then go down these forum rabbit holes. This is Similarly, I used to also Google things a lot and then go down these forum rabbit holes. This is before Facebook groups were a thing, before Facebook was a thing, so that would probably be the equivalent today. And these forums would act as support networks, but actually they were extremely negative. Usually they had no one monitoring them that knew what they were doing
00:07:50 or no one at all, and they actually gave me absolutely no clarity or certainty about my own situation, what I was doing, what I was doing, what I was doing, what I was doing, what I was meant to do. They did not help me. They kept me stuck in negative stories, and they kept me stuck. meant to do. They did not help me. They kept me stuck in negative stories, and they kept me stuck. Now, you need to figure out the things that are not giving you any room to find calm. They are the things that drain your energy and your ability to focus on anything else. For example, I had a client who had endometriosis and had gone through a very traumatic experience with her first pregnancy that didn't last. And when she came to me, and it had been a year since that time, and
00:08:26 she just wasn't considering it, I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I again. Now, the first thing we needed to do with her was to help her heal from that traumatic again. Now, the first thing we needed to do with her was to help her heal from that traumatic experience. It's hard to have trust or hope when we're carrying around that trauma. But once we did that, we set about also changing her focus and her daily thoughts and habits. Her daily habits were born out of fear, and her habits were reinforcing her fears. Once we started mitigating her fears, and therefore her thoughts, we started to let go of some of the daily habits, that we identified for her were not serving her. For her, that was tracking things, like
00:08:58 that we identified for her were not serving her. For her, that was tracking things, like everything. Because for her, we realized this, tracking her BBT, her cervical mucus, when she had sex, her period in depth, and things like that just created this busy work for her that left no room for her brain to find any calm. Instead, we worked out that she knew when she ovulated, she was having plenty of sex, she didn't need to write anything down, track it down, all those things. And she leaned more into trust in herself, in her body, track it down, all those things. And she leaned more into trust in herself, in her body, and in her intuition. She was actually delighted that someone told her it was okay to stop all
00:09:39 that stuff. And she got pregnant within two months. Now, when I myself let go of the need to be perfect, and try everything, and stop tracking everything, and leaned into trust and intuition on my journey, did I get pregnant in two months? No. I'm not saying that's the answer to conception. I'm saying it's the answer to giving your brain more room for calm, and helps with fertility. I'm saying it's the answer to giving your brain more room for calm, and helps with fertility. Because it is very impactful. It helps us calm stress, calm down our nervous system. But also, when I changed my focus to me, and enjoying my life, through looking at my mindset, my emotions,
00:10:18 my self-worth, that was big for me, what my life was about, what else it was about, what was working for me, what was just causing me anxiety. And I did what I could, and I did what I could, and I did what I could, and I did what I could, and I did what was necessary. I was feeling so much better, that I was then able to make much what was necessary. I was feeling so much better, that I was then able to make much better decisions that served me best on my fertility journey, whilst I was still enjoying my life. Which helped me get pregnant a lot sooner. Now, we all do the busy work and follow all the latest things in fertility obsessively for two reasons. Number one, to get pregnant,
00:10:52 no-brainer. Number two, to end what feels like this endless pain inside. But what if the path to ending the pain inside was also the path to getting pregnant sooner, But what if the path to ending the pain inside was also the path to getting pregnant sooner, or making better decisions for yourself? What if the path to doing what we can control and letting go of what we can't also meant we enjoyed our life, calmed down our nervous system, like I said, helped us make better decisions on the path to conceiving, helped us stay on the journey if we need more time to figure it all out, were able to advocate more for ourselves, felt empowered, re-established friendships, had better relationships and communication with our
00:11:27 re-established friendships, had better relationships and communication with our partner, would navigate through the world more seamlessly? Would that be worth it? In order to do that, to find our calm, to find our peace, something needs to change, and we need to set up our environments and our daily habits that actually support us. Now, just because I've mentioned BBT as disempowering to me when I did it, doesn't mean it is for you. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's never the actual thing that causes stress. Tracking your temperature isn't a stressful It's never the actual thing that causes stress. Tracking your temperature isn't a stressful
00:12:02 exercise. Peeing on a stick isn't a stressful exercise. But if that thing is bringing chaos to your brain right now, it's an activity that needs to go. So it's not the thing, it's how it impacts us and the anxiety and anguish that it causes us. So for some, like I said, BBT tracking is stressful and it isn't helping in any way. For some, it's empowering and that's great. And even still for some, it might have been really For some, it's empowering and that's great. And even still for some, it might have been really useful and empowering in the beginning because it helped with information. But now it's no longer providing more information. It's just creating busy work and not empowering anymore. Similarly,
00:12:44 if we're testing for pregnancy six days out of every month and this causes you great anxiety, then you need to stop doing it or testing out your trigger shot for IVF. Because like I said, it's not the actual thing. It usually creates so much anguish and anxiety that we're just waiting for the next time that It usually creates so much anguish and anxiety that we're just waiting for the next time that we can do it again, rather than breathing through the urge to do it and doing something more empowering for ourselves. So today and from this point forward, let's concentrate on what we can do right now. Let's set up your environment to help you win. So the activity for this video will be
00:13:20 answering three questions. Number one, what is keeping you from feeling better and letting go a bit? Where is your focus? Is your relationship super strained? Have you not healed letting go a bit? Where is your focus? Is your relationship super strained? Have you not healed from a miscarriage? Do you need to see somebody? Are you obsessing about being perfect with supplements and charting? Are you Googling things every day? Are you sitting in really negative Facebook groups that masquerade as fertility support groups? For example, what are the things that are taking your focus that can often tell you what you might need to do next? But number two, what are you doing?
00:13:57 And number three, what will you commit to doing or stop doing this week to help you find more balance? And number three, what will you commit to doing or stop doing this week to help you find more balance?
