This content is for educational purposes only. It has been reviewed for scientific accuracy, but it does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding medical questions or fertility treatment decisions.
Reviewed for scientific accuracy by: Dr. Mona Bungum
Last reviewed: January 2026
Lifestyle matters for fertility. A BMC Public Health study found that women with 4–5 healthy habits had a 59% lower risk of infertility.
Fill out the questionnaire, and get a personalised, holistic and evidence-based programme tailored to you.
takes 3 minutes to complete00:00:00 Hello and welcome. We are going to talk about self-care and self-love and maybe a little about guilt today. Has it become one of the hardest disciplines for you to take care of yourself and give yourself the attention that you truly need right now on the path to pregnancy? If so, I can definitely relate to that feeling of being at the very bottom of the list of things you should do something about. It can actually be quite a challenge to focus on self-care and should do something about. It can actually be quite a challenge to focus on self-care and self-love when facing fertility challenges. It can feel as if we are constantly putting our own needs aside to focus on fixing, improving or finding solutions to the situation you are now
00:00:44 in. But why is it so difficult to create time and space for ourselves and not least to prioritize it? Part of this may be culturally but also socially conditioned. Many of us are raised to put others needs before our own and to be self-care and self-love. But why is it so difficult to put needs before our own and to be self-care and self-love. But why is it so difficult to put self-care and self-love when facing fertility challenges? It can feel as if we are constantly putting our own needs aside to focus on self-care and self-love. But why is it so difficult to create time and space for ourselves and not least to prioritize it? Part of this may be culturally self-sufficient without asking for help or support. Additionally, there may also be a feeling
00:01:06 of guilt associated with taking time for oneself, especially when we feel that there is so much pressure to be in the most optimal state with our bodies and to achieve a pregnancy or to maintain one. Furthermore, the fertility journey can be filled with emotional pain, which can make it even harder to find time for. Self-care and self-love. even harder to find time for. Self-care and self-love. It can indeed seem to feel challenging at times to find space to take care of oneself when one is so focused on solving the problem. But it is precisely in these difficult moments that self-care and self-love are incredibly necessary. That we give ourselves permission
00:01:49 to rest and care for our body, mind and soul. In order to find joy in the small moments, this can help us rebuild our strength and resilience this can help us rebuild our strength and resilience on days when there may be some small bumps in the road. When we experience along the way that our treatment suddenly takes a new direction, or we are, for example, forced to take a break or must completely stop for a while. What I'm talking about is not about ignoring fertility challenges or giving up hope. Not at all. Rather, it is about creating balance and healing in your life. And remember that you also deserve care and love, no matter how difficult everything may be.
00:02:24 And remember that you also deserve care and love, no matter how difficult everything may be. Throughout my own journey with fertility treatment over many years, I experienced how difficult it was to set aside time for myself. It became more of a responsibility that needed to be checked off in the daily routine. Physiotherapy, check. Massage, check. Eating healthy, check. Often I feel that if I let go and made room for more me time, it would be my own fault if the next treatment didn't go well. But deep down, it would be my own fault if the next treatment didn't go well. But deep down, I actually truly needed to let go of the guilt I felt, and the responsibility that came with it.
00:03:10 In my sessions, I experienced that letting go largely involves being able to relinquish control. For many, this is one of the hardest things. For those of you who thrive on control and security, knowing what lies ahead, much like me, it can feel extremely challenging. Therefore, I am sharing a practical exercise with you today that you can work on. Therefore, I am sharing a practical exercise with you today that you can work on. You can work on to reduce the amount of guilt and self-blame, so there can be a little more space for self-care and love for yourself. Are you ready? Good, because what we are going to talk about now is how to let go of that self-blame and guilt on your fertility journey. The exercise
00:03:53 is coming right up. The technique I have chosen to call Trellsetinga. You can call it whatever is coming right up. The technique I have chosen to call Trellsetinga. You can call it whatever you like, but it can be a bit of a bothersome person we need to think about. We have this little voice in our heads that tells us it's all right. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. It can be extremely critical, judgmental, harsh, and unforgiving. Let's face it, it is actually not very sweet at all. And for some reason, that voice is often much easier to believe than the one that says we are important and that it is not all our fault. I know it is easy to get carried away by our thoughts.
00:04:28 I know it is easy to get carried away by our thoughts. It's about jumping on the train when it first leaves. Because often we operate a bit on autopilot for most of the day, and we spend a lot of time inside our heads, within ourselves. Especially if you are often having difficulties with infertility, we tend to turn things inward, often because our surroundings do not really understand the world we inhabit, and because we do not want to be judged for what we are currently going through. So the little voice can certainly feel very familiar and trustworthy, So the little voice can certainly feel very familiar and trustworthy,
00:05:02 but it is quite important to understand that you are not your thoughts. Let me explain a bit further. By creating a character, you can separate yourself a little from your thoughts, or completely from your thoughts, so that the thoughts become more of an expression of that character's voice. First and foremost, think about it. of an expression of that character's voice. First and foremost, think about it. The voice in your head is often quite unpleasant and critical. If it were not just for the sake of the voice, but a person standing behind it, what would this person look like? How would the voice sound? Would it be an older grumpy woman or an old man who was timid? What kind of clothes would he
00:05:54 or she wear? Try to see if you can create as clear and detailed an image as possible, and most or she wear? Try to see if you can create as clear and detailed an image as possible, and most importantly, give the voice an identity. The voice could be called boredom thinking, or something entirely different. Perhaps it is a grumpy woman. Perhaps it is a grumpy lady in her late 80s. Small, hard, floral dress. What comes up for you? What could your voice look like? Try to imagine a person whom you would never believe or listen to if they had an opinion about what you were doing. I encourage you that from today on,
00:06:28 if they had an opinion about what you were doing. I encourage you that from today on, every time you hear the voice in your head, it is not you, but it is Tinka. Tell Tinka to be quiet, politely and gently, and go back to her room. Remind yourself calmly that the thoughts you have are not yours, but Tinka's. This means that you do not have to believe them, or take them to heart, or take them seriously. I hope you will enjoy this not have to believe them, or take them to heart, or take them seriously. I hope you will enjoy this exercise and try to feel the significant difference it can make when you distance yourself a little from these thoughts, that little voice that is not kind to you and that holds you down a bit.
00:07:12 If you find that questions or thoughts, arise in connection with this exercise, you are always welcome to write to me. And otherwise, I wish you a really good time. Take good care of yourself. And remember to set aside time for something that feels good. Bye. And remember to set aside time for something that feels good. Bye.
