During emotionally demanding journeys, self-care often becomes one of the first things to disappear. When energy is focused on fixing, improving, or controlling outcomes, personal needs can feel secondary or even selfish. Many people find themselves pushed to the bottom of their own priority list, convinced that rest or gentleness might somehow derail progress.
This difficulty is often reinforced by cultural and social conditioning. Many are taught to put others first, to remain self-sufficient, and to push through discomfort without asking for support. Over time, this can create a deep sense of guilt around taking time for oneself, especially when there is pressure to be in an optimal physical or emotional state.
Quick Answer: Self-care and self-compassion are not indulgences or signs of weakness. They are essential practices that help reduce guilt, soften self-blame, and support emotional resilience during challenging periods. Prioritising care for your body and mind can create balance, ease emotional strain, and help you reconnect with yourself, even when circumstances feel overwhelming.
Self-care often feels challenging not because it is unnecessary, but because it clashes with deeply ingrained beliefs. When life feels uncertain or emotionally painful, there can be an urge to stay constantly focused on solving the problem at hand.
This can lead to:
In these moments, care for oneself may feel like something to earn rather than something to deserve.
Guilt is one of the biggest barriers to self-care. Many people carry an underlying belief that if they relax, slow down, or enjoy themselves, they are somehow being irresponsible or careless.
This guilt often sounds like:
Over time, this thinking can turn self-care into a checklist rather than a nurturing practice. Activities meant to support wellbeing become tasks to complete, stripped of their restorative impact.
Self-care during difficult periods is not about ignoring challenges or giving up hope. It is about creating balance and recognising that emotional and physical needs do not disappear simply because life feels hard.
Care allows the body and mind moments of recovery, helping rebuild strength and resilience when plans change, progress feels uncertain, or breaks become necessary.
Self-care supports:
These effects are cumulative and develop gradually.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same understanding and kindness you might offer someone you care about. It is not about avoiding responsibility or dismissing difficult emotions.
Instead, self-compassion acknowledges that suffering is part of being human and that harsh self-judgment rarely leads to healing or clarity.
Practicing self-compassion means allowing space for imperfection, uncertainty, and rest without punishment.
Many people experience an internal voice that is critical, judgmental, and unforgiving. This inner critic often insists that everything is your fault or that you should be doing more, trying harder, or controlling outcomes better.
This voice can feel familiar and convincing, especially during emotionally vulnerable periods. Over time, it can become the dominant narrative, overshadowing kinder, more supportive inner dialogue.
Understanding that this voice exists is the first step toward loosening its grip.
One of the most important concepts in reducing self-blame is recognising that thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are mental events, not reflections of truth or identity.
The critical voice in your head is not who you are. It is a pattern that has developed over time, often as a misguided attempt to protect or motivate you.
Separating yourself from this voice allows you to observe it rather than automatically believe it.
A helpful way to reduce the power of negative self-talk is to externalise it. Instead of experiencing the inner critic as your own voice, imagine it as a character with a distinct personality, appearance, and tone.
This character might be:
By giving the voice an identity, it becomes easier to recognise that its messages are not truths that must be obeyed.
When this voice appears, you can acknowledge it calmly and choose not to engage with it. You do not need to argue, suppress, or fight it. Simply recognising it as separate can create immediate emotional relief.
When the critical voice arises, try the following steps:
This practice helps reduce automatic self-blame and allows space for kinder inner dialogue to emerge.
Letting go does not mean giving up. It means recognising that not everything can be controlled and that carrying excessive responsibility often increases suffering rather than reducing it.
For people who value structure, certainty, and planning, releasing control can feel deeply uncomfortable. However, loosening this grip can create space for rest, acceptance, and emotional healing.
Self-care does not have to be elaborate or time-consuming. Small, consistent acts of care are often the most sustainable.
Examples include:
These moments accumulate, gradually shifting how you relate to yourself.
Prioritising self-care and self-compassion is not about perfection or productivity. It is about recognising your own humanity and allowing yourself the care you deserve, regardless of circumstances.
By reducing guilt, creating distance from self-blame, and softening inner criticism, it becomes possible to rebuild emotional resilience and reconnect with yourself in a more supportive way.
Self-care is not something to earn. It is something to allow.
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00:00:00 Hello and welcome. We are going to talk about self-care and self-love and maybe a little about guilt today. Has it become one of the hardest disciplines for you to take care of yourself and give yourself the attention that you truly need right now on the path to pregnancy? If so, I can definitely relate to that feeling of being at the very bottom of the list of
00:00:22 things you should do something about. It can actually be quite a challenge to focus on self-care and self-love when facing fertility challenges. It can feel as if we self-care and self-love when facing fertility challenges. It can feel as if we are constantly putting our own needs aside to focus on fixing, improving or finding solutions to the situation you are now in. But why is it so difficult to create time and space for
00:00:48 ourselves, and not least, to prioritize it? Part of this may be culturally, but also socially conditioned. Many of us are raised to put others' needs before our own and to be self- Many of us are raised to put others' needs before our own and to be self- sufficient without asking for help or support. Additionally, there may also be a feeling of guilt associated
00:01:07 with taking time for oneself, especially when we feel that there is so much pressure to be in the most optimal state with our bodies and to achieve a pregnancy or to maintain one. Furthermore, the fertility journey can be filled with emotional pain, which can make it even harder to find time for. Self-care and self-love. It can indeed seem to it even harder to find time for. Self-care and self-love. It can indeed seem to
00:01:31 feel challenging at times to find space to take care of oneself when one is so focused on solving the problem. But it is precisely in these difficult moments that self- care and self-love are incredibly necessary, that we give ourselves permission to rest and care for our body, mind and soul. In order to find joy in the small moments, this
00:01:57 can help us rebuild our strength and resilience on days when there may be some small bumps rebuild our strength and resilience on days when there may be some small bumps in the road when we experience along the way that our treatment suddenly takes a new direction. All we are, for example, forced to take a break or must completely stop for a while.
00:02:14 What I'm talking about is not about ignoring fertility challenges or giving up hope, not at all. Rather, it is about creating balance and healing in your life. And remember that you also deserve care and love, no matter how difficult everything may be. you also deserve care and love, no matter how difficult everything may be. Throughout my own journey with fertility treatment over many years, I experienced how
00:02:36 difficult it was to set aside time for myself. It became more of a responsibility that needed to be checked off in the daily routine. Physiotherapy, check. Massage, check. Eating healthy, check. Often I feel that if I let go and made room for more me time, it would be my own fault if the next treatment didn't go well. But deep down, I actually truly needed to if the next treatment didn't go well. But deep down, I actually truly needed to
00:03:06 let go of the guilt I felt and the responsibility that came with it. In my sessions , I experienced that letting go largely involves being able to relinquish control. For many, this is one of the hardest things. For those of you who thrive on control and security, knowing what lies ahead, much like me, it can feel extremely challenging.
00:03:28 Therefore, I am sharing a practical exercise with you today that you can work Therefore, I am sharing a practical exercise with you today that you can work on to reduce the amount of guilt and self-blame, so there can be a little more space for self-care and love for yourself. Are you ready? Good, because what we are going to talk about now is how to let go of that self-blame and guilt on your fertility journey. The exercise
00:03:53 is coming right up. The technique I have chosen to call "Trell Sautinga". You can call it right up. The technique I have chosen to call "Trell Sautinga". You can call it whatever you like, but it can be a bit of a bothersome person we need to think about. We have this little voice in our heads that tells us it's all our fault. It can be extremely critical,
00:04:10 judgmental, harsh and unforgiving. Let's face it, it is actually not very sweet at all. And for some reason, that voice is often much easier to believe than the one that says we are important and that it is not all our fault. I know it is easy to get carried away by our carried away by our thoughts. It's about jumping on the train when it first leaves. Because often
00:04:37 we operate a bit on autopilot for most of the day and we spend a lot of time inside our heads, within ourselves. Especially if you are often having difficulties with infertility, we tend to turn things inward. Often because our surroundings do not really understand the world we inhabit and because we do not want to be judged for what we are currently going through
00:04:58 . So the little voice can certainly feel very familiar and trustworthy, but it is quite little voice can certainly feel very familiar and trustworthy, but it is quite important to understand that you are not your thoughts. This is where we need to work on unpleasant thinking. We need to look at how you separate yourself from your thoughts. Let me explain
00:05:15 a bit further. By creating a character, you can separate yourself a little from your thoughts, or completely from your thoughts, so that the thoughts become more of an expression of that character's voice. First and foremost, think about it. The voice in your that character's voice. First and foremost, think about it. The voice in your head is often quite unpleasant and critical. If it were not just a voice but a person
00:05:39 standing behind it, what would this person look like? How would the voice sound? Would it be an older grumpy woman or an old man who was timid? What kind of clothes would he or she wear? Try to see if you can create as clear and detailed an image as possible, and Try to see if you can create as clear and detailed an image as possible, and most importantly,
00:06:04 give the voice an identity. The voice could be called boredom thinking or something entirely different. Perhaps it is a grumpy lady in her late 80s, small hard floral dress . What comes up for you? What could your voice look like? Try to imagine a person whom you would never believe or listen to if they had an opinion about what you were doing. I never believe or listen to if they had an opinion about what you were doing. I
00:06:31 encourage you that from today on, every time you hear the voice in your head, it is not you, but it is Tinker. Tell Tinker to be quiet, politely and gently, and go back to her room. Remind yourself calmly that the thoughts you have are not yours, but Tinker's. This means that you do not have to believe them, or take them to heart, or take them seriously.
00:06:59 I hope you will enjoy this exercise and try to feel the significant difference it can make will enjoy this exercise and try to feel the significant difference it can make when you distance yourself a little from these thoughts. That little voice that is not kind to you and that holds you down a bit. If you find that questions or thoughts arise in connection
00:07:19 with this exercise, you are always welcome to write to me. Otherwise, I wish you a really good time. Take good care of yourself, and remember to set aside time for good time. Take good care of yourself, and remember to set aside time for something that feels good. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]
