Today, let's explore emotional intelligence and the significance of acknowledging our emotions.
Emotional intelligence refers to "the ability to recognize, regulate, and express one's emotions effectively." It is built upon four key pillars:
For this discussion, we will concentrate on self-awareness, self-management, and relationship awareness.
Throughout life, we encounter duality—the coexistence of positive and negative experiences, whether in small moments or major life events. Our strength lies in our capacity to hold space for both uplifting and challenging emotions. When facing infertility, emotions can become particularly intense, making it difficult to manage them. Feelings of deep sadness and grief or immense joy and excitement can both be overwhelming in their own way.
If you reflect on the stories we encounter, you’ll find that duality exists in all of them.
However, we have the power to decide where to focus our energy and emotions. By accepting both the positive and negative aspects of life, we cultivate a greater understanding of ourselves and access our inner strength.
Allowing ourselves to feel emotions helps us understand them and identify what triggers them. Our emotions provide valuable insight into our inner world. It's essential to remember that emotions are temporary. If you sit with a heavy emotion for just 90 seconds, you’ll realize that you are still okay after that brief period. Though sitting with discomfort can be challenging, developing self-awareness means asking yourself:
Journaling about these reflections can deepen your understanding of your emotional patterns and responses.
Many of us grew up in environments where expressing emotions was not encouraged. Personally, I learned to push my feelings aside and carry on with my day. However, during my fertility journey, avoiding my emotions led to exhaustion, breakdowns, and even physical distress. Through healing and self-growth, I came to recognize the necessity of processing, acknowledging, and working through emotions. My true power emerged when I allowed myself to feel. Now, I welcome all emotions—anger, happiness, sadness—because suppressing them ultimately does more harm than good.
Ignoring emotions can lead to physical and mental distress, as our bodies and minds attempt to signal that they need attention.
This is why learning to sit with discomfort is so important. Try setting a timer for 10 minutes and allow yourself to fully experience your emotions. Observe how you feel afterward. By letting emotions pass through rather than resisting them, you create room for personal growth and a deeper connection with yourself.
The same principles apply to relationships, particularly with your partner. Infertility can put strain on a marriage, making emotional intelligence even more essential. You may have encountered arguments, miscommunications, or difficult conversations. It’s crucial to share your feelings openly with your partner, even when discussing tough topics. Establishing a safe space for mutual support strengthens your bond. Practicing relationship awareness means giving yourself time to process emotions before having open, constructive conversations about expectations, fears, and aspirations related to fertility and your partnership. This approach enhances emotional intimacy, nurtures empathy, and fosters shared responsibility.
Relationship awareness allows you to recognize what is working, what isn’t, and what areas may need improvement—and that’s completely okay. Growth comes from confronting challenges head-on.
While difficult conversations may feel uncomfortable in the short term, they pave the way for long-term emotional well-being.
A simple yet impactful practice is setting aside intentional time for connection. I refer to this as "Babe Time." Dedicate 15 minutes, free from distractions, to sit face-to-face with your partner while holding hands. Take turns sharing what you appreciate, admire, or find attractive about each other. This practice builds trust and strengthens emotional bonds. You can integrate "Babe Time" into your daily routine, such as before bed, or schedule regular date nights focused solely on enjoying each other’s company without discussing fertility-related topics. This can rekindle intimacy and reinforce your relationship.
By embracing emotional intelligence—through self-awareness, self-management, and relationship awareness—we create opportunities for healing, personal growth, and deeper connections on our fertility journey and beyond.
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