Coping With Infertility: How to Feel More in Control Again
Sarah Banks
Video
14 min
In this video, we’ll explore effective strategies for taking control during your journey of trying to conceive, empowering you to navigate challenges with confidence and resilience. We’ll discuss the importance of understanding your body, tracking your cycles, and educating yourself about the various options available to you. Join us as we share practical tips for self-advocacy, including how to communicate your needs to healthcare providers and the significance of building a supportive community. We’ll also highlight self-care practices and coping mechanisms that can help you manage stress and emotional upheaval. Empower yourself to reclaim your journey while trying to conceive with knowledge, support, and actionable steps towards achieving your goals.
Infertility can leave you feeling powerless in ways you never expected. The constant uncertainty, the emotional highs and lows, and the long stretches of waiting can make it feel as though your life is being placed on hold. Many people describe infertility as a loss of control, especially when medical treatments and outcomes feel unpredictable, a reality that is particularly common in cases of unexplained infertility where clear answers are hard to find.
A large part of the struggle comes from recognising that there is very little you can do to guarantee a specific result. Much of fertility treatment, particularly the medical side, sits outside your control. That reality can feel overwhelming and, at times, deeply unsettling. When so much depends on appointments, procedures, and professional decisions, it is easy to feel disconnected from your own journey.
Quick answer: Coping with infertility becomes more manageable when you focus on the areas where you still have control. While you cannot control every aspect of fertility or treatment outcomes, you can influence how you prepare, how you care for yourself emotionally and physically, how you manage stress, and how you advocate for your needs. These choices can help you feel calmer, more grounded, and better equipped to navigate the journey.
Why Infertility Can Make You Feel So Out of Control
Infertility often brings with it a feeling of having to hand your future over to other people. Appointments, tests, and treatments can dominate your calendar, while results and decisions are often out of your hands. This lack of predictability can make it difficult to plan ahead or feel secure in the present.
Emotionally, infertility can feel like a rollercoaster. One moment you may feel hopeful, and the next you may feel discouraged or exhausted. The constant waiting, whether it is for test results, procedures, or the next stage of treatment, can heighten anxiety and create a sense that life is happening around you rather than with you.
Recognising that these feelings are a common response to infertility is important. Feeling out of control does not mean you are failing. It reflects how demanding and emotionally complex this journey can be.
Accepting What You Cannot Control in Fertility Treatment
A difficult but necessary part of coping with infertility is accepting that some aspects of treatment are outside your control. Medical outcomes, how your body responds, and the timing of success are not things you can fully manage, no matter how prepared or informed you are.
Accepting this does not mean giving up. It means acknowledging that certain elements need to be placed in the hands of medical professionals who are guiding your care. While this can feel scary, it can also be a relief to stop placing unrealistic pressure on yourself to control everything.
What matters is recognising that even within this uncertainty, there are still meaningful choices you can make. Focusing on those choices can restore a sense of balance and calm.
Identifying Where You Still Have Control
When infertility feels overwhelming, it can help to step back and look at the areas of your life where you do have influence. These are often smaller, everyday decisions, but together they can make a significant difference to how you cope.
One helpful starting point is to write down what feels overwhelming. This could include worries about treatment costs, juggling work around appointments, fear of injections, or confusion about recommended procedures. Putting these worries on paper helps move them out of your head and makes them easier to address.
Once you have a list, you can begin to separate what you can act on from what you cannot. This process alone can create a sense of order when everything feels chaotic.
Taking Practical Steps to Reduce Overwhelm
After identifying your worries, the next step is deciding what actions might help. Some concerns may require gathering more information, while others may benefit from delegation or simply letting go.
For example, if finances are a major source of stress, you might take control by tracking costs, planning payments, or discussing options with your partner. If work is causing anxiety, you may explore how to organise appointments more effectively or ask for support where possible.
There may also be items on your list that are not truly important right now. Removing these can lighten your mental load and help you focus on what genuinely matters during treatment.
Lifestyle Choices That Support Coping With Infertility
Lifestyle is one area where many people feel they can take back some control. Rather than aiming for perfection, the goal is to create habits that support both physical and emotional wellbeing during treatment.
Nutrition is often a focus. A balanced diet that supports fertility can help you feel more prepared physically, but it is important not to let food choices become another source of stress. If nutrition feels overwhelming, seeking guidance from a qualified professional can help you feel informed without becoming consumed by rules.
Gentle, regular exercise can also play a role in coping with infertility. Activities such as walking, yoga, or swimming may help reduce stress and support overall health. What feels right may change at different stages of treatment, so it is important to listen to guidance and to your own body.
Setting Boundaries Around Lifestyle Pressure
Lifestyle changes should support you, not drain you. If trying to do everything “right” leaves you feeling anxious or guilty, it may be time to reassess. Coping with infertility is not about constant self-monitoring or pressure.
There are also lifestyle factors known to negatively affect fertility, such as smoking, excessive caffeine, alcohol, and drug use. Reducing or removing these can be a positive step, but it is okay to approach change gradually and with support.
Rest is equally important. Prioritising sleep and creating calming routines can help your body recover and your mind settle. Setting boundaries around your time and energy, including saying no to draining commitments, is another way to protect your wellbeing.
Managing Your Mindset During Fertility Treatment
Mindset plays a powerful role in how you cope with infertility. Negative thought patterns can quickly spiral, especially during stressful periods of treatment. Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step in addressing them.
Many people find it helpful to write down recurring worries or self-critical thoughts. Seeing them on paper can help you question whether they are helpful or even true. For example, thoughts like “I won’t cope with this” may feel convincing in the moment but often overlook your resilience and capacity to adapt.
Replacing unhelpful thoughts with more supportive ones can shift how you experience treatment. Affirmations or reframed statements can help you respond differently when anxiety rises.
Reframing Negative Thoughts With Compassion
Reframing does not mean pretending everything is fine. It means choosing language that supports you rather than undermines you. Instead of focusing on perceived weaknesses, reframing highlights effort and care.
For instance, replacing “I’m not strong enough for this” with “I’m doing everything I can to support myself through this” can change how you feel in difficult moments. Repeating these reframed thoughts when anxiety arises can help interrupt negative cycles.
This approach aligns closely with broader strategies discussed in Conceivio’s resources on emotional wellbeing and fertility stress, including how emotional strain can shape the fertility journey and how self-compassion plays a role in coping.
Looking After Your Emotional Wellbeing
Emotional wellbeing is a central part of coping with infertility. Feelings such as sadness, frustration, jealousy, and grief are common and valid. Judging yourself for having these emotions often adds another layer of distress.
Being kind to yourself means allowing space for how you feel without criticism. Infertility can be emotionally demanding, and it is okay to acknowledge that reality.
Planning time with people who uplift and support you can help balance difficult periods. This might include close friends, family members, or simply activities that bring comfort and distraction during challenging stages such as the two-week wait.
Building a Supportive Network
Support can take many forms, and what feels helpful varies from person to person. Some people find comfort in speaking openly with trusted friends, while others prefer the anonymity of online communities.
What matters is feeling understood and supported, not judged. Surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries and emotions can make a significant difference.
At the same time, it is okay to limit who you share your journey with. Setting boundaries protects your emotional wellbeing and helps you conserve energy during treatment.
Seeking Professional and Holistic Support
For some, professional support can be invaluable. Fertility counsellors, therapists, or other trained professionals can help you process complex emotions, especially if your journey has been long or involved loss.
In addition to talking therapies, some people explore holistic approaches as part of emotional support. Practices such as reflexology or acupuncture are often used to promote relaxation and emotional balance. These approaches are typically considered supportive tools rather than solutions, but they can help some people feel more grounded.
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It is an act of self-care and self-advocacy.
Coping as a Couple During Infertility
Infertility does not affect individuals in isolation. It can place strain on relationships, particularly if communication becomes focused solely on treatment and stress.
Making time to talk openly about feelings, needs, and expectations can help couples navigate this period together. Supporting each other emotionally and practically can reduce feelings of isolation.
Finding moments of connection outside of treatment, even small ones, can help maintain balance and remind you that your relationship is more than the fertility journey.
Taking Practical Control Over Treatment Decisions
Practical preparation can also restore a sense of control. Learning about clinics, treatment options, and available support allows you to make informed decisions rather than feeling overwhelmed by information during appointments.
Writing down questions before consultations can help you feel more confident and ensure your concerns are addressed. Bringing a notebook to appointments allows you to record information, which can be especially helpful when emotions run high.
Using reputable sources of information is key. Clinics, regulated fertility organisations, and trusted healthcare professionals can help you stay informed without adding unnecessary confusion.
Managing Finances and Time During Treatment
For those self-funding treatment, finances can be a major source of stress. Tracking costs, planning payments, and understanding funding options can provide clarity and reduce anxiety.
Time management is another area where structure can help. Organising appointments, medication schedules, and work commitments in advance can make treatment feel more manageable.
Having systems in place, even simple ones, can create a sense of stability when other aspects of fertility feel uncertain.
Creating an Action Plan to Regain Control
If you are feeling overwhelmed, creating an action plan can help you move forward. This does not need to involve big changes. Small, manageable steps are often more sustainable.
Start by listing areas where you would like to feel more in control. Then break these into smaller actions that feel achievable. If a step feels too big, breaking it down further can make it less intimidating.
Remember that infertility does not define you. While you may not be able to control every outcome, you can still shape how you live, cope, and care for yourself during this time.
Final Thoughts
Coping with infertility is not about forcing certainty where none exists. It is about recognising the areas where your choices still matter and using them to support your wellbeing.
By focusing on mindset, emotional care, lifestyle balance, and practical preparation, you can create a sense of control even when outcomes remain uncertain. These steps can help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more resilient as you move through treatment.
Infertility may shape part of your life, but it does not have to take over all of it. Reclaiming control is about living alongside the journey, not being consumed by it.
