When you are struggling to get pregnant or to stay pregnant, certain thoughts can begin to repeat themselves endlessly. You may wake up with them in the morning or find them keeping you awake at night. Questions like “What if it doesn’t work?” or “What if everything we have been through is in vain?” can become constant companions.
This experience is deeply common, yet rarely spoken about out loud. Infertility anxiety often lives beneath the surface, hidden behind forced optimism or silence. Over time, this gap between what you feel internally and what you show externally can create loneliness, isolation and emotional exhaustion.
The fertility journey involves hope, waiting, uncertainty and loss. The emotional weight cannot simply be fixed or shut down. Instead, healing often begins with allowing space for the difficult emotions, seeking support and being patient with yourself.
Quick answer: Infertility anxiety is the emotional overwhelm that can come from constant worry, what-if thinking, grief and uncertainty while trying to conceive. Feeling depressed about infertility is also common, especially after losses or negative cycles. Coping begins with allowing emotions, seeking support and giving yourself time.
Infertility anxiety often comes from living in uncertainty. When the outcome you want most feels out of your control, the mind naturally searches for answers and reassurance. This can lead to obsessive thinking, fear and emotional spirals.
The questions are often repetitive:
These thoughts are not signs of weakness. They are signs of how deeply you care, and how heavy the emotional stakes are.
What makes infertility anxiety so exhausting is that it is not a single moment of worry. It can become a daily mental loop, especially when cycles, treatments and waiting stretch on.
A major part of anxiety when trying to conceive is fear of the unknown. The mind often jumps ahead into imagined worst-case scenarios. Even when nothing has happened yet, fear makes the future feel unbearable.
Many people carry these thoughts privately because they worry that speaking them aloud makes them more real. Some fear that acknowledging doubt will somehow “manifest” failure.
This creates pressure to stay positive at all costs, even when that positivity feels impossible. The truth is that these thoughts are not dangerous. They are emotional responses to uncertainty and grief.
Avoiding them does not remove them. Often, it only makes them louder.
Infertility stress is made heavier by how rarely it is discussed openly. The emotional experience is often treated as taboo, something that should be pushed away or kept quiet.
People may hear comments like:
While often well-intended, these phrases can feel dismissive. They suggest that anxiety or grief is something you should control, when in reality these emotions arise naturally.
Sometimes, these responses reflect the discomfort of others. It can be hard for people to sit with the reality that some things cannot be controlled or fixed.
But infertility is not something that can be solved through silence. The emotional toll is real and deserves recognition.
Loss in the fertility journey is not always visible, but it is deeply real. Many people associate grief only with the loss of a person. But fertility struggles often involve repeated emotional losses that are rarely acknowledged.
These losses can include:
Each cycle can feel like a new beginning, filled with expectation. When it ends without pregnancy, the disappointment can feel crushing.
Pregnancy loss, at any stage, can be one of the most painful experiences imaginable. It is not only the loss of a baby, but also the loss of the future you were holding in your heart.
It is also common to feel depressed about infertility. When hope rises and falls month after month, emotional fatigue can set in. You may begin to feel stuck, disconnected, or unable to imagine a different outcome.
Isolation often grows because fertility struggles can make you feel separated from the outside world. Friends may become pregnant. Family conversations may shift. Life around you may seem to move forward while you remain in waiting.
This can trigger a complex mix of emotions:
Feeling depressed about infertility does not mean you are failing. It means you are carrying something profoundly heavy, often without enough support.
Grief during infertility is not something you “get over” quickly. There is no single correct grieving process. There is no timeline that must be followed.
Grief is often something you learn to live with. It comes in waves. Some days may feel lighter, and others may feel unbearable.
The emotional losses of infertility cannot always be fixed, but they can be felt, witnessed and supported. Giving grief space is part of healing. Suppressing emotions often prolongs suffering. Allowing them is the beginning of acceptance.
One of the most important strategies for coping with infertility is giving yourself permission to feel.
You are allowed to experience:
Suppressing feelings may seem protective, but it often creates more internal pressure. Emotions need space to move through you.
Allowing yourself to feel does not make you weaker. It makes you honest. It makes you human. Healing begins when emotions are acknowledged instead of shut down.
You do not have to carry infertility anxiety alone. Seeking support is not a sign that you are incapable. It is a sign that what you are experiencing matters.
Support may come from:
Having someone who can listen without trying to fix you can be incredibly healing. Emotional support makes the burden feel less isolating.
Being understood is often more powerful than being advised.
Grief, anxiety and emotional loss take time. There is no shortcut.
Be patient with yourself. Healing does not happen in a straight line. You may have good days and bad days, hope-filled moments and heavy ones.
Your feelings are valid. They should not be compared to anyone else’s grief or journey. The fertility journey is deeply personal, and emotional waves are part of it.
The most compassionate thing you can do is allow yourself to move through it at your own pace.
Infertility anxiety can make the mind feel like it is spinning in circles, filled with what-if questions, fear and uncertainty. Feeling depressed about infertility is also common, especially when cycles pass without success or losses accumulate quietly.
These emotions are not something to shut down or fix. They are part of the human response to longing, grief and lack of control. The path forward begins with allowing yourself to feel, seeking support and being patient through the waves.
You are not alone. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. Emotional loss is real, and acknowledging it can be a powerful step toward healing.
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00:00:00 Hello. When you are struggling to get pregnant or to stay pregnant, there is a question that I know. You might be asking yourself all the time. What if it doesn't work? Or, what if everything I have put myself and my loved ones through is completely in vain? What if this entire journey and the countless treatments do not end with us having our baby after all? treatments do not end with us having our baby after all?
00:00:34 But even though this is the first thing we might think about in the morning or what keeps you awake at night, it is rare that we say it out loud. And often it is because you may have experienced that it is considered a taboo and that we tend to push these questions away until they shout so loudly for our attention that a distance is created between what happens
00:00:57 inside us and what we show to the outside world. This creates immense inside us and what we show to the outside world. This creates immense loneliness and isolation. But why? Can it be so difficult to speak openly about similar questions that we ask ourselves again and again? Firstly, many of the clients I work with believe that if we explore what we think, it will manifest in our world. Because if we think, it happens, then it happens.
00:01:25 Do you know what I mean? If I look, you in the eyes right now, you might know Do you know what I mean? If I look, you in the eyes right now, you might know that it's something worse, Brevillean. But we can feel an enormous pressure from both ourselves and our surroundings not to think about it, because then you won't get pregnant. You may have also heard that you just need to believe enough, that it will happen, that
00:01:46 you should stay positive and hopeful and avoid thinking about various conceivable scenarios. In reality, it actually relates to today's topic, how we handle disappointment and loss along the way. For it is the case that when people around along the way. For it is the case that when people around you say that you should stop thinking about it or try to relax, not stress so much, it
00:02:09 often has more to do with their ability to be present with you, and the grief that comes with experiencing that we do not have control over getting what we want the most, and cannot control when. It happens at all. The emotions you experience arising should not and cannot be fixed or shut down. Instead, we should practice being in all the and cannot be fixed or shut down. Instead, we should practice being in all the emotions
00:02:32 that come with it, including the difficult ones, as there can be both physical and emotional grief associated with them. But before we move on, I would actually like to talk a bit with you about what you experience as loss. As a sleep consultant, I often find that people come to me to talk about the loss of a person. But very rarely do people seek me out because
00:02:57 they have lost a job, a partner, a pet, a cycle or a pregnancy. Why is that? they have lost a job, a partner, a pet, a cycle or a pregnancy. Why is that? Often it is because we have not learned to take care of the grief that arises when we experience an emotional loss. Especially in situations like these, grief is a cycle you must skip. A cycle that represents the hope of becoming pregnant, but unfortunately did
00:03:24 not result in the pregnancy you desired. This form of grief can feel like a crushing blow, in the pregnancy you desired. This form of grief can feel like a crushing blow, as each cycle brings hopes and expectations of a new beginning. The loss is a pregnancy , but losing a pregnancy regardless of the stage can be one of the absolutely most painful heart-wrenching
00:03:46 experiences that one can go through. It is not only the loss of a child, but also the loss of the dream of becoming parents that can be unbearable and painful. The grief of being unable to conceive naturally. For some, this means confronting the need being unable to conceive naturally. For some, this means confronting the need for fertility treatment which signifies the loss of the entirely idyllic notion of achieving
00:04:11 pregnancy through natural conception. This realisation can be shocking and painful, and it can actually take time to process and accept. The loss of a friendship that was too difficult to maintain because your friend became pregnant. When your closest friends or family because your friend became pregnant. When your closest friends or family members become
00:04:33 pregnant, it can trigger a deep sense of loss and grief. It can feel as if their lives are suddenly moving in a completely different direction, while you yourself are stuck in endless waiting. It is important to understand that these forms of grief can have a profound effect on our mental and emotional well-being. They can also trigger a complex effect on our mental and emotional well-being. They can also trigger a complex
00:05:01 mix of emotions, including grief, anger, frustration, but also guilt and shame. It is also important to acknowledge that grief and loss are often associated with fertility struggles. These topics are taboo and avoided in conversations and society in general. This lack of recognition and support can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation and worsen our ability to cope
00:05:28 with the grief that arises. But what do I do when I lose a cycle or when the test is negative? that arises. But what do I do when I lose a cycle or when the test is negative? You might wonder. Yes, it is important to understand that there is no right way to grieve. There is no established grieving process that you must go through. Instead, it is a journey with a deep insight into and acceptance of the fact
00:05:51 that our losses cannot be fixed or dealt with, but are rather something we learn to feel and live with in our everyday lives. In conclusion, I would like to share three good tips that our everyday lives. In conclusion, I would like to share three good tips that can help you work on your sleep, if and when it arises. One, allow yourself to feel. It is really
00:06:13 important that you allow yourself to experience all the emotions that arise in the wake of a treatment or a loss. You are allowed to let the tears flow if you need to, and you are also allowed to be angry, sad or frustrated. Suppressing your feelings can prolong your sleep process and prevent you from moving forward, so give them space. sleep process and prevent you from moving forward, so give them space.
00:06:33 2. Seek support and understanding. Feel free to find people in your life with whom you feel safe sharing your feelings. This could be a partner, family members or perhaps friends or a professional sleep consultant. Having someone to talk to who truly understands your situation can be crucial for your mental well-being, as well as for emotional healing. 2. Be patient with yourself. Sleep is an individual process and it takes time
00:06:56 2. Be patient with yourself. Sleep is an individual process and it takes time to move forward completely. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to go through the waves of grief at your own pace, and remember, it is okay to have good as well as bad days and that it is a completely natural part of healing. Lastly, I would like to remind you that you are not
00:07:22 alone. All your feelings and thoughts are valid and should not and cannot be compared to the grief of others. I hope you have become a little wiser today. Loss is to the grief of others. I hope you have become a little wiser today. Loss is not only physical, but also emotional, and that it may ease you a bit in the process when it comes to accepting the emotions that can arise when you experience an emotional loss.
00:07:50 As I always say to you, I am right here if you need someone to listen or who can help you a little along the way if questions arise regarding this video. You are you a little along the way if questions arise regarding this video. You are always welcome in my mailbox to get in touch. Bye. >> Okay.
