This content is for educational purposes only. It has been reviewed for scientific accuracy, but it does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding medical questions or fertility treatment decisions.
Reviewed for scientific accuracy by: Dr. Mona Bungum
Last reviewed: December 2025
Lifestyle matters for fertility. A BMC Public Health study found that women with 4–5 healthy habits had a 59% lower risk of infertility.
Fill out the questionnaire, and get a personalised, holistic and evidence-based programme tailored to you.
takes 3 minutes to complete00:00:01 Welcome to this video about how to discover sensuality. Okay, so first I want to talk about a survey from Germany who was really important to us about what we're going to talk about. There was 1900 couples in this survey, and they were were highly in love. And the first year they saw that both and they were were highly in love. And the first year they saw that both of them have exactly high sex drive. They were the same, but the desire decreased after one year for the women.
00:00:47 So what we also know is that what didn't decreased was that they really want to be sensual with their partner. So, um, if it was lack of sensuality. They were not sexual, but if they So, um, if it was lack of sensuality. They were not sexual, but if they had sensuality with their partner, they become to be more sexual. So this means that a lot of women really need this to get sexual with their partner. They need to be sensual. They need to have the the soul and the body and the patience to,
00:01:24 to get there. Uh, so it's not strange, uh, because, um, in all relationship, when it's a new relationship, because, um, in all relationship, when it's a new relationship, we have a chemical process in our brain that give us pleasure, right? So falling in love is also the closest we get to psychosis. And we also get more dizzy when we're in love. We don't need so much sleep. And we also doesn't need, uh, so much food, but that is in the beginning of our relationship, right? So many people in the world
00:01:59 Express expects us to always be in love and always have desire. Express expects us to always be in love and always have desire. So no human are the same, right? So what we have to learn about ourself is to understand what is making you on and what is your offs. That is really important for you to learn. And you also have to learn how the contexts around you, the environment And you also have to learn how the contexts around you, the environment affects your sexuality, because that is also what we're talking
00:02:35 about when we have these two offs. This is the context around you who affects your desire. So it's really important to understand yourself. How does this affect me? And we also have to normalize everything. It's really common. It's so uncommon that it's not normal to have desire all the time. That's normal. It's okay. Um, but many people who have a That's normal. It's okay. Um, but many people who have a partner who has a lot of desire. They think that there is
00:03:04 something wrong with them. But you just don't have the same. And it's, it's okay. And we have to learn about what is spontaneous. Spontaneous desire for you and what is responsible desire for you. Because you can have, uh, each of them. You can be spontaneous. That means that you get really, really, um, horny when you look on look something, um, sexual. really, um, horny when you look on look something, um, sexual. Maybe it's your partner, maybe it's porn. It can be whatever.
00:03:37 But, uh, if you're spontaneous, you see with your eyes, and then it's what you think about sex, uh, which is waking up, and then you are getting turned on. So if you're spontaneous, your eyes will be very sensual. Um, will be very. How to say this? Uh, in English, your eyes will be really, um. They're so, um. Uh, in English, your eyes will be really, um. They're so, um. It means that, uh, whatever in the world can make you, uh, turn on, uh, if the eyes send signals to the brain that this is something sexually.
00:04:15 So if you're responsive, that means that you have to get stimulated to get turned on. So, uh, it doesn't mean to get stimulated in your genitals. It means stimulated in your head or in your body or maybe also your genitals. or in your body or maybe also your genitals. It depends on how you are turned on. So both of this is really normal. And you can be each of them, or you can be in the middle. You can be both also. So it's really important to
00:04:44 understand who am I in this? And, uh, about women's sexuality. Um, it's really important to learn, uh, all of these five because men and women are really different. And I don't say that it's a more and women are really different. And I don't say that it's a more difficult to being a woman, but women needs more time very often. So what's also is important is to talk about sex. And what I see with a lot of couples coming here or talking with me online, is that people talk about sex in a negative way,
00:05:27 and that affects the way that the brain thinks about sex. and that affects the way that the brain thinks about sex. So that means that you don't want to have sex because it's something negative. We're going to talk about something difficult. Why, uh, why are we going to do that? And that will also affect your desire to your partner. So it's so important to talk about sex in a positive attitude rather than sex negative to get more interests in sex.
00:05:54 And, and you also have to talk with your partner if you have a partner. What is sex for you? What do you want sex to be for you? What is sex for you? What do you want sex to be for you? What are your turn ons and what doesn't turn you on? You can also write this down and talk to your partner about this. It's so important. Everybody needs to know this. And what I want to tell you is that the skin and brain are working together. So, um, the skin are the largest
00:06:26 erotic organ we have. We have so many zones, erotic organ we have. We have so many zones, and the way you touch the body will affect your desire. If you want to have it or not. So, um, an example on this. It's also your nerve system. You have the nerve system from your head through the body. And it will also sense the way your partner is touching you. So um, if you um, are with your partner and you really want to be sensual and your
00:06:59 partner want to be sexual with you. Maybe your partner is touching your partner want to be sexual with you. Maybe your partner is touching your genitals or just touching your. Your penis or your breast, whatever. Then the brain will code that touch on the skin, right? And send a signal to the brain and tells if this is on or off. So do you see we have two offs and one on. So that's why it's really important to know, um, what turns you on and not. So the brain is the largest
00:07:27 what turns you on and not. So the brain is the largest sexual organ we have. So the brain and the skin communicate with each other. And now I'm going to talk about something that is really, really exciting. Um we have five erotic language. Have you heard about the five love language? Uh, the way you make you feel. How do you feel loved, right? We have five different languages. We also have five different ways of speaking. Uh, turn ons with us.
00:07:57 We also have five different ways of speaking. Uh, turn ons with us. So, um, the concept has been created in United States, uh, with award winning sexual desire. And, um, these are categories on erotic language that describes the erotic nature of you. Right? So if we learn more about the sexuality and this will be categorized in five different languages, uh, categorized in five different languages, uh, so it's really important to know, uh, where you are in this because you can
00:08:36 dance with your partner and, uh, experience a whole new sex life. So this is the five each. Uh, so I'm going to take you through, um, um, this, so I want to say a little bit more about erotic language, and you can use it to awake your sexuality and your desire. language, and you can use it to awake your sexuality and your desire. And so that is so important. Uh, and we have, uh, you see, the first one is the sexual one. And that is also the one that society teaches us to be in porn. We have sexual rights.
00:09:16 So that means that, um, you get turned on, uh, what you think of sex, right? Orgasm penetration, genital nudity. Um, you would like to, uh, touch and look, uh, Um, you would like to, uh, touch and look, uh, maybe right on the genitals, and maybe it will go fast. You don't need that patience. You don't need that time. Uh, so that is the, the sexual that is just one of these five. And then you have sensual who I have talked a little bit about, um,
00:09:50 you get turned on by awakening all of your senses, your smell, your taste, your sight, touch, whatever. Explore all of your senses and your sight, touch, whatever. Explore all of your senses and sensual is easily distracted by everyday life and needs to learn to relax. So being in the body is the way to get pleasure. So if you're stressed, if you're tired, if you're thinking about something, this will affect your desire very easily. So the context around you and if
00:10:21 you have a good day, it's very important about this. And the sensual also need the patience. And you have their energetic. The third one means that you need And you have their energetic. The third one means that you need to long to be turned on you. So if you have a partner that is really turned on fast, you will not have this longing. So that will turn you off. You need to be the one who are longing for this. So, um, and everything, uh, is about,
00:10:53 what happens before the touch, right? The energy in the room, the how. How this person make you feel. The play. Everything. How this person make you feel. The play. Everything. So the the foreplay can be there one week, one day, many hours. But the touch is always coming at last. That is so important for the energetic. So just give a little bit. Uh, don't play too much. Work with the energy and the atmosphere. And if you're energetic,
00:11:27 the orgasm can come without touching. You can just think about what the orgasm can come without touching. You can just think about what turns you on. Maybe you are on your cell phone and your partner are away in another country. You can have um, place, um, not touching each other and that will turn you on. Right? Maybe. So the kinky one, it's turning about, um, turning on your taboo. So what is taboo for you in your Imagination becomes your turn on. So it can be toys, it can be clubs,
00:11:59 it can be be in imagination, role playing. It can be whatever. it can be be in imagination, role playing. It can be whatever. Uh, so, uh, if you're kinky, you have a lot of things you can play with. And, um, if you have a partner that is not kinky, maybe, and that will be difficult for you. So that this is a really important to talk about. So, uh, when you know each other's language, it's easier to, to, uh, get turned on and dance together. And the fifth is the shapeshifter. That means that you turned on by
00:12:27 And the fifth is the shapeshifter. That means that you turned on by everything. You can be a really flexible, flexible partner. Uh, and, uh, maybe toys, maybe energy, maybe sensual, maybe, um, sexual, uh, you might fit in at all. So what I see is that, um, A woman. Very many women is energetic and sensual. That that is the way of going in. The foreplay needs to be sensual, and the way they are inside of their heart is also affected by that. And but it's not like that for
00:13:12 everybody. Remember that a woman can also be sexual and kinky. It's normal to be a little bit of everybody. The most important thing is to know what turns you on from the start. So what are you going to play with in the fourth play? Are you going to start sensual or kinky? Right. That is so important to know about. or kinky? Right. That is so important to know about. So here you can take a picture of this.
00:13:38 I have some tools for you because um, what I'm talking about here is that the context, it's important for the desire if you're not a very sexual person. And when you're trying to have kids, um, sex can be something that also is exhausting or boring. um, sex can be something that also is exhausting or boring. So this is the way of having your home life to get more in the mood. So the food depends. Um, the mess in your home, the light in the bedroom. Is it clean or not? The stress inside.
00:14:15 How is the bedroom? Do you have cell phones in your room? Do what do you eat before you go to bed? These things is really, really important for your sex drive. So take a picture of this and take it with you. And there are some free tools from me. And there are some free tools from me. So here you also have four, um tools from me. Um, here are exercises. So you can also take a picture of this exercise and practice
00:14:50 This at home. So the first exercise you see, it's about your self-esteem. And you have to realize the way you're feeling about your body, because how can you, uh, you're feeling about your body, because how can you, uh, pleasure others if you don't pleasure yourself and not love yourself? So, um, take a look at this exercise. Uh, and I hope you will do it because the brain is magical. If you're doing exercises, the training, the brain, how you, um, see yourself in the mirror,
00:15:24 that's so important. And I promise you, it will work if you do it enough. And exercise number two is to it will work if you do it enough. And exercise number two is to talk about sex. Uh, create an arena in your home, uh, to talk 45 minutes, uh, every week. And it's so important that you talk in a positive way because how can you, uh, want to have this conversation if you know that it maybe it will be a negative. So that is also important. You need positive experience
00:15:56 about talking about sex. Then it will be fun. And exercise number three play with your skin and senses. Explore what you like and don't like in a non-sexual way. Feel free to lay down and learn about this sensual. Contact us and find out that pleasure and feelings and what. What is going on between you and your partner is not all about sex. And number four, explore which love language you have and use And number four, explore which love language you have and use
00:16:35 it as a guide in your sex life. So this can be the way, um, to have more delicious sex. Uh, and, um, have better relationship with your partner. You can get closer together. So if you want to know more about that, you can contact me because I can help you with that. And I also can help you a lot with everything I have talked talking about here today. with everything I have talked talking about here today. So here is where you can contact me. My website is Charlotte Hay dot com.
00:17:11 You feel free to talk to me. And also you can book me inside the app. I prefer that and you can find me in my social media. Charlotte Hay dot nl. So thank you so much for being here with me today. I'm so happy that you have watched my videos and I'm looking forward to see you. If we're gonna talk some more. Good luck with your future and your goals and your dreams. Bye.
