Coping After a Failed Cycle: Navigating Emotions and Finding Support

[00:00:00] Hi, I'm Sarah Banks and in this video we're going to be talking about the questions you can ask yourself after a failed cycle. So first of all, it's really normal to find this time hard. Coping after a failed transfer is like grieving for a loss and I think a lot of us don't always feel that we can do that or think that it's acceptable to do that but it's really important [00:00:22] to know that it is a loss and you are able to grieve for it and you need to be able to grieve in a way that's right for you. A failed cycle can feel like a loss of hope, a loss of your precious embryo and A failed cycle can feel like a loss of hope, a loss of your precious embryo and a loss of the future that you had planned out in your mind so it's okay to find this time hard. [00:00:40] In fact, it's completely normal. When this happens, we pin all our hopes when it's working so when it doesn't, we don't know what to do next because we just assume that it would work and that negative result can leave you feeling like it'll never work for you. I think when we go through our first cycle of treatment, you feel like it's your plan [00:00:59] B and this is your way that you'll get pregnant and if it doesn't work B and this is your way that you'll get pregnant and if it doesn't work unfortunately, then it can leave us feeling will this ever work for us. And that's very difficult to cope with and I think we look for explanations as to why it wasn't successful to help us process it and to help us cope and move forward as well. [00:01:19] I know that a lot of people after getting that negative result feel very alone. You're at the clinic so much until that point and all of a sudden you get that result and then you don't have any more appointments. then you don't have any more appointments. You maybe have a follow-up appointment booked in but in that immediate aftermath of getting that result, you don't necessarily have any contact with the clinic and it can [00:01:40] leave us feeling really alone and I know when we went through our first negative cycle, our first failed cycle, I felt very much like that. I felt very alone after we had that negative result. It can leave you with lots of questions about why it didn't work and is this something you could have done differently which can lead us to feel guilty about things and [00:01:56] could have done differently which can lead us to feel guilty about things and it's important to know that nothing you did has caused this to happen. So first of all, remember that it isn't your fault and it can leave us with questions about well what could we do to help increase our chances? What are the next steps that we have to go through? When can I start again? [00:02:19] What can we do differently next time? I think if we get answers to something, it gives us hope and it makes us feel better because we feel that if we know what happened or the reason why it wasn't successful, we feel that if we know what happened or the reason why it wasn't successful, we can make changes next time to hopefully change that result. On the medical side there may be changes that could be made based on learnings [00:02:39] from this cycle because as a lot of consultants will say, IVF is almost an exploratory treatment because the more you do it, the more you learn which is really hard as a patient to hear because you want it to work first time but they do learn with every cycle that you have so they may be able to make changes based on those learnings but there are also [00:02:57] so they may be able to make changes based on those learnings but there are also questions that you can ask yourself to help you recover and move forward. There's a lot you can think about after you've had that negative result. If you have got a follow-up planned, unfortunately there can be a long waiting time depending on which clinic you're at and the situation, it can be a while that you have to wait to [00:03:20] get some of those follow-up answers. How can you cope immediately after that negative result? Firstly, as I mentioned, allow yourself that time to grieve. Firstly, as I mentioned, allow yourself that time to grieve. It's okay to feel sad and it's perfectly normal so don't try and fight it. If it continues for a while and you're frequently feeling really down and depressed, it is worth it seeking some additional support so maybe speaking to a fertility counsellor [00:03:44] or a therapist who could help you with some of those emotions but it is perfectly normal to be upset and to grieve after a negative result so please allow yourself that time. Take care of yourself, take time out to look after yourself emotionally and physically, physically, treatment can have, take a big toll on our bodies when we're going through it [00:04:05] and that is physically and emotionally. Take some time out to rest and recharge, do things that will help you relax, will help you feel good about yourself, take time out with your partner to talk about how you're both feeling after the result, how you can support each other, what you'd like to do [00:04:24] next, how you'd like to move forward with things, other things you want to find out that one or other of you are both of you feel like you're not 100% on what that one or other of you are both of you feel like you're not 100% on what things do you want to find out together and then use that time to connect and support each other through this loss. [00:04:42] Also, ask questions so if you have questions, try to get answers for all of the questions you've got so you can feel fully informed and able to make decisions about next steps so as I say it could be that you're waiting for a follow up appointment and you have a bit of time to wait for that, you could speak to your clinic if you're wanting